Well, it has been 2 weeks since we lost Jillian, it seems like it was just yesterday. I'm hoping to just wake up and find out it was all just a terrible nightmare.
Ryan and I discussed staying here in Denver and purchasing a home until we sell our house in Phoenix (our rental has gone on the market, it's a pain dealing with showings). I went out with the realtor last week while Ryan was at work and Lily was at the babysitter. We didn't see too much, I got home early and had a lot of time to just think. I didn't realize how much of a distraction Lily was during the day, all I could think about was Jillian.
Ryan and I were able to go out yesterday with the realtor, we are finding we need to increase our budget. At this point, we are going to wait and see if the house in Phoenix sells this summer. If not, we will be back in Phoenix in the fall.
A year ago I would have jumped at the chance to move back to Phoenix, but things have changed. First of all, I'm not the same person I was 2 months ago, losing a child changes you forever. I can't imagine leaving Denver, we have most importantly the Angel Statue to visit. We visit the statue and leave flowers every week, it is similar to going to a grave site but there are no graves. It's a statue with walls being built that will hold tiles with the name of children that have past away, Jillian will have a memorial tile placed next to the twins tile. The thought of moving and not being able to go to the statue makes me sick to my stomach.
Tonight, I'm going to a Bon Jovi concert. We bought these tickets back in October, we saw Bon Jovi this past summer at Cheyenne Frontier days and had a blast. So when we saw they were coming to Denver we all jumped on the opportunity. Don't worry, I'm getting my leather pants out and teasing my hair to the sky.
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