One year ago today we lost Jillian, it seems so strange that it's been a year. How did I survive this past year? What would life be like with Jillian? Oh, all the questions and answers I will never know. One thing I know for sure is there are a few special friends I met in my support group that made getting through this past year possible. I can't thank them enough for all their support.
Today, we were planning on going out to the angel statue and celebrating Jillian's life. Things didn't go as planned, I woke up at 3a with terrible cramps and nausea. I thought is this labor or is Hershey Kiss finally turning? This went on for about 2 hours, then I finally fell back to sleep. I still didn't feel well when Lily woke, I finally called my OB around 11a after still having mild cramping, she told me to go to the hospital to be checked out.
First we went to the Angel, I didn't want to miss out on going there today. We stopped and picked up sandwiches, a little cake and flowers. Also, Lily picked out some balloons (she wanted the 3 foot Winnie the Pooh - but was able to settle on 4 normal size balloons - one being Winnie). On the way to the Angel, I told Lily we were going to give 2 of the balloons to Jillian (one popped in the car) and she could keep one - of course she wanted the Winnie balloon. Then a few minutes later she says "I think Jillian only needs 1 balloon and I'll have 2!" Well, Jillian got her 2 balloons and her flower and Lily her Winnie balloon.
On the way back home, Ryan dropped me off at the hospital to get started and took Lily home for her nap. Our friend Justin came over to take care of Lily for the next 4 hours. The hospital was the last place I wanted to be today of all days, I'm 34 weeks today - I'm not ready for HK to be born quite yet I'd like to get to at least 36 weeks. I thought maybe I was just "doing" this to myself with all the stress of Jillian's Angel day. Not the case, I was 1 cm dilated and contracting and was given 2 doses of Terbutaline to stop the contractions. HK looks great according to the on call OB, so that was good news, but remains sideways.
I really wanted to have a balloon release out at the statue with my friends, but yesterday I decided against it at the last minute - maybe I subconsciously knew something would prevent me. Another day we will have our balloon release and lunch.
Well, it's 7:15p and I survived, it's true what everyone says the lead up to the day is the worst part.
I miss you so much Jillian, not a day goes by that I don't think of you. I look forward to the day that we will meet in heaven. You are forever in our hearts. I love you always, Mommy
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4 comments:
Jillian will always be remembered and loved. We will have a balloon release another day for Jillian since today turned out so crazy!! I know there is nothing anyone can say, it just stinks she is not here. Missing Jillian with you. Sending a great big hug to you.
I want you to know that I was thinking of Jillian yesterday and she will always be remembered. We will definitely have to have a balloon release for Jillian. Take it easy this week and if you need anything let me know! Sending hugs from all of us!
I talked to Jill and heard about your adventures in the Hospital. I am so glad that everything is going well... at least 2 more weeks please HK! You had my thoughts all day yesterday, I was sending love and wishing you would get a sign from Jillian. She will be remembered always. Love,C
Jenny,
You and your family and Jillian have been in my thoughts. We will always remember her and pray for her. We are also praying for you and HK as well.`
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